I was willing. I tried. I tried hard and felt like the only one.
You changed in the time that we were apart. And that's okay for you, but not for me. Not when I was hoping for consistency, for familiarity. I was hoping to depend on you like I used to. I was hoping to find so much comfort in your words. And for some reason, this time around, I just couldn't. But I did try. And now I wonder if I should have waited a bit longer. I know you'll suggest I should have; that it was too fresh, that we both needed time to get back into a swing.
You threw me completely off-guard and I fell fast and hard to the ground. You made comments and did things that I never thought you capable of. You were disrespectful and short tempered and not the open-minded and free-loving person I met almost 2 years ago. That part of you confused me and I crawled back into my cave and the walls shot right back up.
I wanted the romance. Maybe it was a bit too soon, but that's what I needed. I know that part of you is still here. It's who you are and it's the first thing I fell in love with. The hardest part of all of this is knowing that you never put any of that on the forefront. Despite your reasons for holding back, I was expecting more emotion from you.
And now I'm back to where I was before. Except this time, you're ignoring me. I can't say I blame you fully. I'm a hypocrite for wanting consistency and not giving it. So for that, I am sorry. But I wish you could find some patience to set aside for me.
While this has felt like more of an ending than ever before, I'm not done trying. I'm not ready to give up on you.
