june 17th

It's cold.
Your fingertips,
the ones that slide
and fall
like feathers,
brush my wrist,
my neck.
The protruding bone slows you down
but doesn't stop you.
It wouldn't stop you.
It never could.
"It's forever," you say.
"I promise," I confirm
with a heavy heart.
It's become weaker lately.
Too much strain on such a fragile thing.
The strings were pulled too far,
too tight.
They twisted, never snapped, just stretched.
Despite the discomfort, the awkwardness,
the impending end,
he holds on tight.
Much too tight to be comfortable.
It's harder to breathe, to move, to grow,
to think.
I can't think.
Let me breathe.
Face clenched tight,
I don't want to see it.
I don't want to see the sadness.
The insecurity.
The accusations.
Those sad eyes.
I shut it out. All of it.
I search for the new face.
That smile.
I strain to remember...
It was dark. I found you in the shadows.
The torch light hit your face,
distorting it in the most beautiful way.
Your eyes,
more prominent than in the daylight,
stared straight into me.
You saw everything in that second.
The secrets, the desire, the confusion,
the pain, the frustration, the anticipation,
the love.
Most of all the love.
That's why you stayed.
The threat pulled you away.
Fight it as you might, you had to go.
That final good bye, composed of burning curiosity
and undeniable magnetism.

"I don't want to wait..."
"The time will fly..."
"The potential..."
Months, weeks, days, hours, minutes.
I'll count the seconds instead.

The selfishness will be the end of me.
Burning through my veins.
Stop it.
Choose. Decide. Don't wait.
Now, now, now. Hurry up.
There's no time.
It's not fair.
But it's my time.
My strings.

"The potential..."
The potential to happily sink.
To find warmth and strength in a dark abyss.
To be at peace with the fall.

The potential to lose.
That terrible potential to lose.
The final result,
It's no longer just potential...

Salt, all I taste is salt.
The pit grows larger, greater.
Soon, it'll consume my heart.
I need this now. Not later.
I need this now but timing is not my friend.
Selfishness is the only familiar face,
strategically placing rocks to hold me in place,
despite what my mind says,
my heart is weighed down.
Too heavy to fly away.
Too fragile to fight it.

I cannot deny the potential.
I will never desire to.
The wait is deathly to my mind.
I feel the ghost of it creeping into your heart.
Pulling you further away.
Please don't go. Please stay.
I shudder in silence as Selfishness adds more rocks.
I imagined it...I never asked you.
I could never ask you.
Selfishness will not find you.
I won't let it.
I must let your heart fly free,
no rocks, no strings.
The rocks rip at the lining of the cavity that is my heart,
the jagged edges cut my wounds raw.
I'll have to wait to be healed.
For your heart to fly in and rescue mine.
I'll wait.
I can't make you.

I let your fingers fall.
The soft feathers are gone forever
Along with your sad eyes, but the memories burn like a blue flame.
Hot and cold.
You release your strings.
My heart seizes with the unfamiliar release.
It's harder to breathe now,
but easier all the same.
I open my eyes. The tension is gone.
...and so are you.