I haven't written anything in so long I was nervous to sit down and attempt to write anything for fear that I had forgotten how to even write. I guess we'll see how this turns out. Not like I have many critics seeings as how no one reads this. And the only people, or I guess person, who used to is long gone by now.
I've been self-contained for about four months now. I have guarded my heart and my head and done my best to ward off others. I've developed this innate fear of growing close to people. But now I'm starting to realize that I'm afraid of forming any sort of attachment to anything, even places. I think my relationship outlook was significantly altered when my family picked up and moved across the country. That transition showed me how easy it is to just leave and be forgotten. I've gotten pretty good at leaving. The forgetting part is where things get tricky.
You see, one of my deepest fears is to be forgotten. To live a life and make no influence or impact on anyone. If I were to find out that I had in fact been forgotten by an old friend, I'd be disappointed, heart-broken even. I'd question myself and my faults and analyze what I could have done (or failed at doing) to have been forgotten.
And I'm not one to forget easily. My memory of exact words and events may be a little off, but I have not forgotten anyone who has been remotely close to me. I plan to keep things that way.
That is why forgetting isn't so simple.
This is incomplete. And chances are, it'll stay that way.
I'm tired of having something to say and being ignored.
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